All hail the High Priestess!

You know how when you wait to see something that everybody has been raving about usually disappoints? Well, I finally saw The Cobra Woman last night and while there are incredible jaw droppingly whatthehell? moments, I was somewhat disappointed, and I hated to be so disappointed!

On the plus side, the film is in GLORIOUS TECHNICOLOR. On the minus side, is the story. I think it was written by the poor chimpanzee that costarred in the film. That chimpanzee is a better actor then Maria Montez. Let’s see, should I bother to explain the plot? Okay… this dashing virile white guy is going to marry this exotically beautiful island girl, Tollea, but she gets kidnapped and taken to Cobra Island. It turns out that’s where she’s originally from. Some old Scottish guy brought her back with him when he visited Cobra Island and was tortured. Outsiders are not allowed on Cobra Island. So the handsome white guy puts on his espadrilles and sails to Cobra Island to get his bride to be back. Handsome guys ‘best friend’ Sabu, who spends the entire film in short shorts and speaks in pig Latin island talk sneaks along too, and it’s a good thing he did because he saves his friend from being eaten by a black panther. Once they’re on the island we find out the beautiful native woman is actually the twin sister of the evil queen of the island played by Maria Montez without a hint of distinction between the two. The evil queen, Naja, and her handmaidens are dressed as cocktail waitresses at a harem themed casino in Las Vegas. The best part of the film is when the evil queen does this frenetic dance, like Divine in Female Trouble. She has the shaking fits and then points at people who have to be sacrificed to the Gods for not giving her enough gold. The victims scream as they are carried away and the evil twins gown is unbelievably stylish.
It turns out the ‘nice’ island girls grandmother, the Queen of the island (Queen with no power) sent her mentally retarded servant, poor Lon Chaney , Jr. to kidnap her so the nice twin could take the mean ones place. How she planned to execute this plan once she got her to the island is never explained. A LOT of things in this movie are never explained. The film ends with the bad people dying and the white guy and Sabu returns to the island with a monkey but without the good twin. He realizes he has to sacrifice his love to save the people of the island. Of course she surprises him by being on the boat saying the island people will be fine with her dead grandmothers maid and mentally retarded guard as rulers. The End. No, I’m not kidding, that’s how it ends.

Filed under: My Way Of Life